Methods Coaching

I use the for example the following methods in Coaching

I keep doing the same thing (Method: ‘breaking through patterns’)

A reactive pattern is the automatic behaviour which each and everyone of us can display if you are triggered by something that happens. Typical examples are getting irritated or annoyed by a team member, a boss or a partner, if they e.g. do not meet their commitments, talk too much, are not clear on their position/ are evasive, are overly assertive. Oftentimes we have a standard reaction: e.g. we dissociate, disconnect or we get angry with them. To the extent our reaction works for us, this is not an issue.

So how do I break free from this?

However, for those cases it does not work, then it gets interesting! How can you break through these seemingly pre-programmed responses? Usually these patterns are deeply ingrained and it requires consciousness and training to change. The coaching method brings insights on how your pattern works, what your benefits are in doing this (you always get something out of it) and what you lose (this is often more than just that you do not like it anymore).

A coachee had a dominant inconsiderate boss, he was angry and had trouble feeding back to his boss what the problem was. By unwrapping the benefits and losses of not saying anything, plus clarifying what it is about (with anger usually a boundary is crossed) and giving a feedback method he was able to improve the relationship.

For me a major pattern is ‘doing my best’ (and make everybody happy…). This has had huge benefits for me: success in my career, love relations, financial security, a lot of appreciation and so much activity that I did not need to feel anything.

And it created huge losses: I gave myself away in relationships (focusing only on whatever my girlfriend or wife wanted, instead of what I want), and gave myself away in my work (working like a madman, with risk of burnout, but definitely no contact with my feelings or vision – why do I do this?). Change came about when the losses started to outweigh the benefits. I can now recognise the pattern (if I am conscious of it) and apply it consciously, or choose not to apply it and let it go. How delightful!

My anger does not work for me

Sometimes anger does not work for you. You respond too rash to a colleague or employee (but can also be your partner, kid or friend), or you are just very angry but do not do anything (!). what you want to know then is what your anger is really about, and how you can respond in an adequate effective way going forward.

With an anger release session, and additional  deep  coaching sessions on the underlying issue(s), many coachees have been helped. This can really be life changing. As it usually filters down in all relationships (in some you may express anger, in some you may suppress it which can be just as damaging).

Anger in our western society is not an emotion we are proud of. At the same time, the way Mondo Zen looks at it, is that anger is just an emotion. And an emotion is just information. So the challenge is to get the information out of the emotion and then act with a response that is effective. However, this is not the whole story, as there are also underlying deeper issues, usually originated earlier in life. So this is the second level on which we need to work. Combined it is really life changing.

 

 

Do I want to go left or right? (Method: Voice dialogue)

 

Sometimes you have these choices which are really hard. You want to know should I go left or right! Voice Dialogue can support you in that.

Voice Dialogue is a method which is meant as a method aimed at self knowledge and transformation. It is a method which helps you to gain insight in which forces are at work inside of you. This is done by engaging in a dialogue with the various ‘voices’ inside you. These belong to the various parts of our personality. It is a way to make clear what is happening inside of you. This might sound a bit hazy, however it works very easy and in my experience everyone can do this.

In my experience, after voice dialogue coachees have a lot of clarity whether indeed to go left or right.

But voice dialogue will work also for other matters! It is interesting to see, that although oftentimes you consciously want to change, this does not always work in practice (e.g. lose weight, drink less alcohol, go home in time ….etc). When this is the case, voice dialogue can help by bringing to the light those parts in you that really do not want to change at all. To get this insight, can support you in really change and transform, as these parts will no longer unconsciously sabotage all your well-meant initiatives to change.

 

Enneagram

The Enneagram is a psychometric model which claims to have a very long history and since some 10-20 year has gained huge popularity amongst a.o. management and in coaching. It distinguishes between nine (ennea=nine) base-types.

When you know which base type you are in the enneagram, it indicate to you in which direction you can develop yourself further. The philosophy behind the enneagram is that as child you arrive relatively ‘open’ into this world, and in the initial years you develop the reactive patterns to deal with your perception of reality. This you do to protect (the vulnerable part in) yourself.

The Enneagram can help you to find the original clarity and shows you the way for growth and self-realisation. Furthermore it can help you to understand other people in your team or in y our environment (…e.g. your partner). This will help you cooperate better, and perhaps more importantly live together or improve your love life. It is of course key to be aware that a model is always a simplification of reality. Like a map is a simplification of reality, and is not reality itself.  So a person in complete versatility and greatness, can impossibly be captured completely in a model. However, like with a map, it can help you to find your way :-).

I have been working with the Enneagram for some 18 years, and still discover new aspects, it is a model with a lot of layers and depth. Being enneagram type 9 myself, I love harmony and am good in connecting with people. For a 9 it is a challenge to set the agenda, decide what I want and to decide.

Being aware of this, I can actually show up when I notice the tendency to stay away from a choice. I can clearly indicate what my decision is. Training this, helped me to move from consciously incompetent, towards consciously competent (as yet, I am not always in unconsciously competent)). The most important insight for me? This was that as type 9, with ‘slowness’ as motor (please note that slowness does not necessarily mean laziness, but more that it can be difficult to switch – e.g. whilst working, go home or vice versa), actually get energy from action. This is where my growth lies, whilst this is counterintuitive for the 9. This has given me a lot: obviously action has great benefits. So acting counterintuitively has given me great rewards! Perhaps have a look at my blog for all you perfectionists (possibly type 1)!

Books I can really recommend are: The wisdom of the enneagram by Riso and Hudson, and The enneagram by Helen Palmer.

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Contact

Telephone

+31  6 4022 8274

Email

info@krijgsmancoaching.com

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